Now that it's been almost 2 months since our twins arrived, some people may wonder how we're doing... really. With Lucy down for "quiet time" and the twins sort of napping on a blanket on the floor, I figured now would be a great time to fill you in and journal these moments and experiences before children awake and life rolls forward too fast!
So here goes... it's a
mega-post, be ye fair warned!
Transitioning to 3 kids seemed exciting yet daunting to me. I knew I'd have help for the first while, but the thought of eventually having to care for them and do everything on my own during the day while Sam was gone kinda freaked me out little bit! The fact that two of them were newborns, and that Lucy would have to learn to share her parents/time/life/attention, brought me to many late night Pinterest feasts. I researched tips for getting newborns to sleep, how to raise twins, how to get twin newborns to sleep, syncing twins onto the same schedule, transitioning toddlers to baby siblings, raising a toddler and newborn twins, and everything in between.
Then one day my water broke and everything was happening. Do or die time. No turning back (not that we ever could or would). After two exhausting crazy days we found ourselves pulling out of the hospital lot with two carseats in the back! It was surreal, and we were SO thrilled to get home and start figuring out our new "normal" with three children.
First of all, I have to say that having an extra few days at home with just the twins was so helpful. Sam's parents kept Lucy for almost a week total, and gave us a few extra days after we arrived home to get to know the twins and figure some schedule/routine things out before adding the adorable lively toddler into the mix. While I ached for my Lucy girl, it was a huge blessing and I'm so grateful my in laws were willing to do that (Lucy had a party, by the way, and didn't even miss us haha).
So now that we're almost 7 weeks into this "family of 5" life, how are we doing--really? We're surviving! And more than that, we're doing well and loving life. :) Sure, there are crazy and stressful times (like when all three children are screaming and crying for you at the same time. . . or when one baby has a massive blowout while the other is crying hungry and your toddler is getting into things and not minding). But the stress levels are way down overall, and we're learning as we go! (Like learning when to let things go, when to postpone chore, and when to let what child cry a little longer while you help someone else). And Sam and I have been able to laugh so much more, and take things with a grain of salt more than we did our first time around. It's been great.
Here's my list of things that have helped us adjust, survive, and thrive with our newly large family:
OUR MOTHERS. Enough said.
Wasn't it Abe Lincoln who said he owed everything to his angel mother? Well ditto, Mr. Lincoln. We owe so much to our angel mothers.
My mom flew out from California and spend over 2 weeks here with us. She played with Lucy, held babies, fed babies, burped and changed babies, did our dishes, cooked us delicious meals, bought us treats, took Lucy on walks, got me out of the house on outings, and stocked our freezers with meals, sauces, and lots of meat. She also listened to all my thoughts, feelings, and insecurities, and provided me a pillar of strength to lean on and learn from. She continues always to boost my confidence and remind me that I am doing a good job, that I am a good mother, that it's okay to simplify and make choices that fit my family best, that things are and will be okay even when I'm stressed or not sure what to do.
Lucy LOVED going to Sweet Tooth Fairy with Mimi to pick out "cakes" :D
Just when I thoughts my insides would explode with gratitude and amazement, Sam's mom came and did the exact same amazing things for us for days and weeks again. Yes, the food, the help, the treats, the advice and listening ears, the words of comfort and wisdom, the works.
Oh how grateful I am for these two amazing women in our lives and family. Words truly cannot do justice to what they've done for us and words don't fully describe how much it's meant to me personally. Their sacrifices are what made this transition so smooth this first month.
ORGANIZATION
So we're not always the most organized people on the planet, but doing small things to keep some aspects of life organized has helped so much! Especially with feedings, blowouts, spit ups, gas, boogers, and all other things that pop up with little ones.
Our "basket of goodies" travels from our room at night to the living room/kitchen during the day. I always keep it stocked with basic essentials we want close at hand like burp cloths, a few outfits, diapers and wipes, and basic baby toiletries (brush, nail clippers, saline drops, gas drops, and lotion).
Middle of the night feedings aren't the most glamorous... especially when you can hardly keep your eyes open haha! Thank goodness we can tag team keeping each other awake when it's midnight... or 2:30am, or 5am. :) And staying a little more organized helps things go faster and smoother (which often means more sleep for everyone!).
(Sam is in so much trouble for this one...)
We also have bottle washing stations in our bathroom and in the kitchen. And we had a nursing/pumping station next to the recliner by our bed. It was stocked with needed equipment, pillows, and snacks. :)
INCLUDING OUR TODDLER
So allowing your 2 year old to wipe the newborn's bum may not sound like a worthwhile or enjoyable decision. But it just might mean the world to that older child. :)
As we've tried to include Lucy in as much as possible with caring for the babies, she has become an amazing sister and little mommy! Sure, she was a little bit more emotional/whiny transitioning (heck, mom and dad disappeared during her nap one day and she didn't seem them again for almost a week! Then, she has to share everything including her parents with these tiny loud baby dolls, who can blame her). But she has honestly been handling things SO well. She loves fetching things, putting binkies back in mouths, putting emptied bottles on the counter, burping and holding the twins, and then practicing everything with her own dolls and stuffed animals. She is a little mommy in the making. :D And even when we're busy doing something for the babies, we still try to look at Lucy and talk with her, so she still gets attention to some degree when we're also focusing on other kids.
She shows genuine concern when the twins cry, and often says "Oh! Gotta go help babies! Help Izzy! Help Ollie!" And she'll run to see them and try to rock their rock n' plays or stuff binkies in their mouths. Sometimes she'll slide her hands under them and whisper "Come here" lovingly... That's when we praise her while quickly intervening to prevent her from picking them up by herself, haha.
KEEPING THE TODDLER BUSY
It is what it is. When twins come, your life will not be the same, and neither will your time. Much more time will need to go to the twins when they're tiny, and that's sometimes hard for the oldest child to handle. But when they're kept busy with a variety of activities, it can do wonders for everyone.
I spent a while online looking up activities, and before the twins came we went to the dollar store and stocked up on a few things. Puzzles, a roll of bubble wrap, art supplies, new coloring books. That way, when Lucy was emotional or just needing attention while we were in the middle of something, we could pull out a little something new to keep her busy until we could give her less divided attention.
She loves her sensory tub time! It's just a tub of uncooked beans and rice with a bunch of cheap plastic toys, coins, rubber bugs, and cars mixed in. Add a variety of scoops and voila! Happy toddler for the next 45 minutes.
"Pom pom sort" is another favorite of Lucy's right now. She has now mastered the dexterity required to use kitchen tongs, haha.
And if all else fails, thank goodness for good movies/shows, books to look at, and yummy snacks. :)
GETTING OUTSIDE!
This one is so important! It has made such a difference for us all. While our moms were here, they made sure I was able to get out of the house almost daily, and they also helped Lucy get some outside time too. Fresh air does wonders for especially me and Lu. It invigorates, refreshes, soothes, and makes life feel more normal.
TIPS AND TRICKS WE'RE LEARNING
With experience comes knowledge and improvement. As we've been learning more about the twins, about Lucy, and ourselves and everyone's needs and limitations, we've been gaining more skills in handling different situations--both emotionally and physically. We've figured out ways to pick up and hold/carry two babies at once, different and perhaps more effective ways to burp babies, secure swaddling techniques, more soothing/comforting techniques, and so much more. Heavenly Father has blessed us with guidance, ideas, thoughts, and many resources to use and learn from.
Who knew we could feed two babies at once!
... even one-handed!!!
TAKING RISKS
Whether you want to get more done or feel a little more normal and capable, sometimes minor risk-taking is involved. We've had to trust Lucy more, allowing her to help so much with the babies. Yes, babies are fragile, but they do not disintegrate with the innocently clumsy touch of a toddler (within reason hahaha). Sometimes Lucy literally stuffs the binky at Izzy's face, making me cringe and want to take over. But Izzy will fuss for a split second before calmly accepting and sucking her binky successfully. And the look on Lucy's proud face after seeing her accomplishment... it's priceless.
Lucy has become more independent. We've asked her desperately to grab something for us or move something away for whatever reason, trusting and hoping she'll obey. Often she does, and surprises us with how much she understands and cares. Other times, she's a 2-year-old, and we figure out things and move forward. We try to be realistic and not to expect too much of her, but we've also given her additional small freedoms (within what's we feel is safe), and we've been pleasantly surprised.
I also took the risk of taking all 3 children to Costco by myself because--by golly--I wanted to go to Costco. I prayed hard all morning, and I truly feel like the Lord blessed all three children to be peaceful and calm that day. It was a wonderful and smooth shopping experience. And with a bribe for a sucker, Lucy even sat happily in the shopping cart (which she never does). We risked tears. tantrums. germs. and lots of stress. Luckily things worked out. I know they won't always. But I'm grateful they did the other day.
EMBRACE IT FOR WHAT IT IS!
Something I didn't do enough during Lucy's baby days was to ENJOY THEM! And enjoy her. Of course I enjoyed her and loved having her as my baby at the time, but I also let stress, insecurities, etc get in the way too much. I regret that. And now her precious baby days are gone and will never come back... only in memory.
Before the twins came I told Sam I was committed to enjoying each day and stage as much as possible (with all 3 kids), despite trials or frustrations. And I started praying for help to do so. And you know what? It's working! I've felt more full of love, more patient overall, less worried, and truly happier. I've had emotional times and moments, but I haven't struggled with post partum depression or baby blues like I did when Lucy was a baby. Hallelujah! And I feel like a major reason for this is because of a more gospel-focused perspective. We've relied on prayer and blessings, on the help of others, and have felt the Lord's hand in our lives time and time again. Thank you to everyone who have prayed for us and who've been answers to our prayers!
God designed us to be happy, and to have joy in family life (whether that's you and your spouse, or both of you and one child, or a whole bunch of sweet babies).
"Come what may and love it." God loves us and has entrusted us with each other to help care for and uplift each other. To help us all make it back to Him again one day. These reminders have given me the strength to laugh a few seconds after crying, to take a deep breath and ponder the promptings of the spirit, to fly with an idea that seems silly at the time. Tender mercies come. Fussy babies finally burp or poop and then sleep peacefully. Lucy continues to forgive our shortcomings and say "I love you mommy" with her arms around my neck.
So in answer to the many questions we've been receiving...
Yes, we've got our hands full.
Yes, need help.
Yes, we're receiving an abundance of help.
No, we don't always know how to do A, B, or C successfully.
Yes, there are crazy moments.
And yes, we are in love with life and our precious gifts from God. :)
