The last little while I've really been thinking about how deep the Lord's love and knowledge of us truly is... And I think it's something that sometimes we take for granted or don't fully comprehend or remember. Lately I've really felt His love in so many ways I just have to share. It has strengthened my testimony and it would be ridiculous of me not to show my gratitude to Him and bear witness of His love and guiding hand.
I've been thinking a lot about service lately and how it's something I want to make a more central part of who I am and of my life. I want to be better at noticing people and circumstances and then ACT. As I've expressed these desires to Heavenly Father and have tried to take the time to ponder and reflect, He's made so much clearer to me opportunities I should/could have acted on and current/future opportunities that He's placed before me. Service shouldn't just be occasional events that make us feel good and proud that we did "a good deed" but so much more... it should be part of our nature, who we are, what we stand for. The Savior's entire life WAS and IS service, and I just keep thinking that is something I need and really want to work on more. Lately we've been so blessed with opportunities to both accept and give little simple acts of service, but as these experiences have come I have been so grateful for them all and so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who loves and provides for His children, not only through His special and varying means but through each other, through His other children. We're here to care for each other and help each other make it back to Him. It's part of the plan. His plan isn't selfish. It's the most giving and merciful plan, and I am so grateful for all the tender mercies we see each day that are ultimately always from Him, because He is looking out for us.
Little blessings from family members and friends mean so much! We were so grateful to receive a bag of adorable baby clothes and many other post-delivery necessities for baby and me from my brother-in-law's sister Ashley the other day and what a joy and blessing that was! As new parents-to-be it's kind of crazy to think of all the little things we'll need to care for another human being new to this world, and it meant so much that she had these extra things and thought of us. Additionally, I am SO grateful for the huge tub of maternity clothes my sister Val pulled out for me (a fabulous collection of awesome hand-me-downs from my own sisters as well as possibly some of Dan's sisters too)! As my own clothes were getting tighter and options were starting to dwindle, it has been so nice to have a variety of lovely modest and comfy clothes to wear and grow into! Seriously, so much changes when a child is on the way and a lot happens so quick before you fully realize! And another little tender mercy lately that Sam and I were so grateful for was the awesome customer service at Black Jack's Pizza in Provo. We bought a pizza for dinner one night, and the owner and his employees working there were so kind and friendly to us, even giving us free large samples of a new pizza they recently designed, and to top it off, they threw in a few order of cheesy bread with our purchase just for the heck of it! These simple acts of service all have meant so much to me and have not only made me feel the love of others, but through their love, I've felt the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father as well. He knows our needs, and He knows what things might bring us joy and happiness.
A friend from the ward has been going through a tough time, as she recently found out her dad is in stage 4 of lymphoma. The prognosis for his cancer is not good and he's been rapidly declining. We made banana chocolate chip muffins the other day and I had the thought to bring some to her house and am so glad I followed through on that simple thought. She invited me in and I got to know her better and really see how she's doing, the trials both emotionally and spiritually this news has brought to her and the spiritual struggles that have hit her of late. She told me she knows Heavenly Father has a plan and has a testimony of that, so it's been confusing and hard when feelings of sadness and sorrow mixed with even anger have been so prevalent inside her about everything recently. It really made me ache for her and relate to her and ponder the trials I've gone through in life and I couldn't help but wonder why we do have those feelings despite our knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father with a plan for us? Is it simply because we do not see the whole picture and sometimes that is downright scary and unnerving for us?
I've also been pondering FAITH and TRUST lately and I've realized they are almost twins. They go hand in hand. Faith is something that is exercised, that we choose to exercise, that we choose to give and have. It's many times easier said than done or felt, and it takes practice and an earnest and honest desire first to have faith. Likewise, trust is something we can choose to give. It has two parts to it. One, it is something to be earned by another party. Two, it is something that can take practice and that we ultimately choose to give and exercise. It is up to us to decide what will or won't sway our trust in something or someone. When something shakes it, we decide when we give it back and like faith, exercise it again. So how can we have faith in someone/something we don't trust? On the flipside, shouldn't we exercise faith in someone we trust? Shouldn't we trust someone we have faith in? Relating this to the Lord, it's made me analyze myself and how my faith and trust in the Lord are. And while I have blinders on like everyone else, and while I too sometimes find myself struggling with thoughts of "why?" when trials may come, I am so filled with gratitude to have FAITH in His existence and who He is, to TRUST that He knows what's best for me and will always be there to guide me as long as I reach back to Him, and to have the KNOWLEDGE that He loves me. That is a sure knowledge, not just a hope or faith and I cannot and will not deny that ever! I also know that this is something Heavenly Father cares about-- about our desires and growth in faith and trust, in Him, in ourselves, and in others. I am so grateful to know that He listens when we pray to Him and that our prayers don't go through one ear and out the other, or go on a long checklist of things to do someday. He tends to our needs and fills our souls when we reach out to Him, sometimes in small little ways that we don't always notice.
